“The body tells us what is arousing or not, all while our bodies also tell us what we consider shameful or ‘not allowed’. Because really, I believe that the body doesn’t lie. “It was literally through watching people’s bodies react that I discovered we all have different turn-ons. In over twenty years of practice, she’s discovered that what turns one person on is entirely different from what turns another person on. Jaiya is the world’s leading somatic sexologist, which means that she does primarily body work, using people’s physical energy to tap into their sexual potential, rather than psychology or conversation-based methods. What if they’re not doing anything wrong and what if you’re not doing anything wrong? What if you’re only speaking different sexual languages? These concepts blow my mind. Turns out, the sexual disconnections between you and your partner may not be things they’re doing to annoy you, but rather part of the way they are erotically wired. What I discovered is that most people had no idea what turned them on, and in addition to that, they expected their partners to be able to mind-read them and their desires.”īorn from this insight, Jaiya created The Sexual Blueprints, a harvest of 20 years sowing into sexual relationships and discovering the differences-and thus the disconnect-that exists between our erotic personalities. “The nuts and bolts of my transition began when I started interviewing people and hearing from them what they needed. She wanted to quit because of how big her why was, and because she felt like she had to do it all on her own. It was in this moment that she realized that she didn’t want to quit because she was burnt out. In her small group, Jaiya began to cry, asking her friends, “What do I want?” She knew she wanted every man and woman to feel free to express their sexuality, to feel safe she knew she wanted the world to awaken to freedom, for rape to end, for peace. Her turning point came at an event with life-performance coach Brendan Buchard who asked, “What’s your big why?” Despite the success she’d begun to have with her clients, Jaiya was exhausted and didn’t know what she was doing anymore. Two years ago, Jaiya tells me, she’d reached the point of burnout. “If I’m hiring people who can manage my business for me, I can’t be upset and blame them when they make a mistake because I made the choice to disengage.” It looked like excuses such as ‘I’m so busy with clients’ or ‘I’m so busy being an artist’. The abandoning of my business looked like me saying, “You guys figure it out.” It looks like me expecting my team to engage with me while I’m not even engaged. I’m here and I’m engaged -I’m not disconnecting from you. I can put myself up in that tower or I can come down and engage with people. “Countering my fear looks like engagement,” she tells me. If you’ve never heard of the woman I have the honor of interviewing today, prepare to be transformed on a physical and emotional level. “My homework right now is to really love you all-and whether you show up or not, I’m still going to open my heart to you.” So the times I’d put it out there, I’d put an energetic wall around what I was offering in order to protect myself. “No one wanted to come to my party because I was a super geek kid which made me never want to open my heart and throw myself out there. But instead, I’d throw a party and no one would come. I’d dream of having a surprise party and all these people would show up. “When I was a little kid, I spent a lot of time alone and had a very traumatic childhood. “It stemmed from really young wounds,” says Jaiya. How could such an incredibly mindful and conscious individual like her have hidden pain that actually began to affect her business? The woman smiling in front of me is known as Jaiya, the world’s leading somatic sexologist with a flourishing career in helping partners understand each other sexually. “My aloofness stems from a fear that no one’s going to actually show up.”
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